Sick and Tired, Tired and Sick

When you are “healthy”, and you get a cold, it’s the pits, but no biggie. After you have had cancer and you get a cold, it’s like life is dragging you to a screeching halt…again. Our reserves just are not the same (yet) as they used to be. Either that or it just feels as if it’s worse because we are tired of being sick, and sick of being tired.

I have a plane flight ahead of me this weekend. I am not looking forward to it with this cold. I have flown with colds before and I invariably pop an eardrum, or blow blood vessels in my eyes, and crop up with a hum-dinger of a sinus infection. Translation: UGH.

So here I sit in my bedroom, in my bathrobe, in my sickness (really, it ‘s just a little old cold…). I am tired, I am frustrated, and feel as if, yet again, I am being kept from doing what I want and need to do. On the flip side; look at last week. I totally over did myself. I was behaving as if I was back at full strength. The whole house is clean the tables were set, food was prepared, company had, and I made it through, with help of course, but still, it was quite the accomplishment.

I remind myself that it hasn’t even been two years since my breast cancer was found. In terms of recovery from that kind of ordeal, it is still reasonable for me to be tired. Many gals I know were diagnosed the same time frame, and their hair is still growing back in. For some of them it is now even long enough to be messed up by the wind. And that is a good thing to them!

A lot of side effects come about from our cancer treatments, but underlying it all, we are glad to be alive. It’s a major adjustment. We wake up, and it is like we are in someone else’s body. It doesn’t look right, it doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t work right, but it is our eyes staring back at ourselves in the mirror. It takes time to adjust to it all. Don’t lose heart just because you are not where you want to be. You’ve just put up a battle for your life! Be easy on yourself! It’s ok to stumble. We are new at this new body.

So I will retreat back to bed, where I hope to catch a few elusive Zz’s before I have to yet again blow my sore nose. Again, I am healing.

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