12 Jan 12 Fixing Things

When I was growing up, my dad was one of those guys who loved to tinker around in his “shop” (aka the garage). I spent a lot of quality time in that same shop with my dad and learning a lot about how things worked, and how tools were used. When we had a leaky faucet, Dad fixed it, I handed him tools, and he taught me what he was doing in the process. Consequently, I can fix quite a few things myself.

At least I could. One of the frustrating things I have been through on my cancer journey is the loss of strength in my arms.  Now, not everyone experiences this. Mine was due to a combo of infection that delayed my healing and a shoulder injury that affected my mobility.

Now, when work needs done on the house, I cannot do as much as I used to. Jobs I could do by myself before, I now need help with. This is a blow to my independence, and my stubbornness to want to do it my way.  Now I have to wait, ask for help, or hire it out. No more shoveling the driveway after a snow alone. No more painting or wallpaper removal unassisted. No more tiling, fixing the sink, or even moving around furniture.

I continue to get a bit stronger every day. I accept that I am not where I once was, and I am learning to be OK with that. So, for now, I welcome Mr. Handyman into my home, and watch my home transform into what I want without breaking my neck trying to get it done myself. They are kind enough to let me help where I can, so I don’t feel totally worthless.

For me, this is a new reality of my new life. It may not be this way forever, but it might. I have no idea which it will be, time will tell. I have to get myself to a place to be OK with this. It is not going to help to whine about what I can no longer do alone. I am forced to ask for help, which is not totally a bad thing as it has begun to actually strengthen some relationships in the asking.

The end result is awesome.

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