19 February 2012 Short Timer’s Attitude

 

It certainly has been longer than usual for me to have written, so if you’ve been on pins and needles, I apologize for keeping you waiting.  I have been knee deep in house remodeling, searching for a new house, and just the generalities of life.

Oh, and the book was released on the 7th.  I am very excited and I truly hope someone is able to find comfort and inspiration in it.  I have a long marketing road ahead of me, and that is all new.  Time will tell how successful that will be.  I had my first speaking engagement to introduce my book, and that was interesting and fun as I was on a panel with a total of 28 speakers, and we all got 3 minutes to introduce our books.  It went well, and I felt confident, but since I am only on eBook format, I did not have any handy to offer for sale, and realized that I am going to need to be doing that sooner than I thought.

Back to the house.  It is amazing how there can be parallels between your world and the world around you.  The majority of the house work began during a blizzard that took place Christmas eve, 2009.  About three weeks before I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  The house has been torn up in one way or another ever since.  I find that some of the frustrations with the house are similar in emotions to the frustrations I have had on my cancer journey.  Just like the house was not back together when the roof was fixed, I feel like I am still not fully put back together even though my surgeries/treatments are over. Just as my house is a whirlwind of activity, remodeling, and upheaval, I am still trying to define who I have become.

I can now fully say I am an author.  That is new.  I can also say, I am a cancer survivor.  I can say some things do not bother me like they used to, and other things bother me more.

For example, I do not worry about waiting in line and I do not feel particularly rushed in my days.  I know that there are so many things that will go on with or without my input, hand, or say.  That is reality.  I am not in control.  On the other hand, I do worry more over those friends who I see at risk for health problems because they are uncomfortable about having the tests done to diagnose potential issues.

I also have short timer’s attitude.  That is a phenomenon that surrounds the fact that once you know you are moving, the closer it gets to that date, the less you care about investing yourself in where you live, and the more you just want to go.  It’s not a matter of disliking the place I currently live, it is a matter of tying up all the loose ends; being finished before you leave, not leaving anyone else hanging to finish something you started.

The book just came out.  I need to be promoting it, and all I can think about is who to talk to where we are moving.  I feel as if I do not have enough time to plan anything here because there won’t be enough time.

Interestingly enough, that is the exact same emotion I had when I was first diagnosed with cancer.  I knew I would be sick, I did not know how long my recovery would be, and I didn’t want to start anything I could not finish.

At the same time, these are realistic points to be aware of now.  These two things (the move, cancer) have crossed paths as I try to fix the house for sale and pack.  I cannot do even half as much as I used to be able to do, and I am frustrated.  I cannot paint a wall without hurting my shoulder.  I cannot move furniture around for the same reason.  I still get tired very easily and I feel guilty that I have to leave so much to the men in my house (the boys really get to be called men now with all they have had to help with).  Everything would have been done weeks ago if I was at full strength, but I am not.  That is reality.

That is also why I have been so busy, yet not accomplishing much on the house.  On the docket for today is hopefully some packing.  We shall see.  Wish me luck, and lots of Advil©.

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