29 May 12 Deer Me

 

Each time I was pregnant with my boys, I had difficulties. I almost lost them. Not once, but multiple times, to preterm labor. We lived in Colorado Springs at the time, and the hospital we had to use as an Air Force family, was at the Air Force Academy, a thirty minute drive away. When you are in preterm labor, with contractions three minutes apart, that drive felt like forever.

I was terrified that I was going to lose them on each of those long drives. I always prayed like mad to G-d not to let me lose them, to give me a sign that everything would be alright: And each time, He did. After I got onto the grounds of the Academy, there was a long scenic drive through some foothills before reaching the hospital. On each and every single one of those drives, I got my sign in the form of a mama doe and a fawn.

What is noteworthy is that any other drive I was on the Academy grounds, which was often, I rarely saw any deer at all. But every time I was on my way, practicing Lamaze breathing, I saw them. Interestingly enough, it was never just one deer, and it was never a buck. It was always a doe and fawn, or a herd of does and fawns. It didn’t matter what time of day or night, I saw them.

I came to the conclusion on those many drives, that those deer were G-d’s way of letting me know everything would be alright. No matter how scared I was, I felt peace when I saw those deer. I knew everything was going to be OK. It has always been that way for me since then.

Needless to say, when I am stressed, I look for deer. Part of the reason I love my back forest is that there are deer in there. However, I rarely see them, so when I do, it is still something very special, and it is still usually in a time of great emotional turmoil.

To say this has been a stressful move would be an understatement. I am thrilled beyond belief to move to California, and closer to my family, but here, I have roots, I have history. I also have a few demons I wish to leave behind. The emotions surrounding this move are varied and complicated. So when I had the pleasure of watching a deer last night in my back woods for a good fifteen minutes at about seven in the evening, it was the sign I needed to remember that although I feel very out of control with a lot of what is happening, it is alright, because someone bigger than me is in control, and He’s got this.

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