12 January 2014

New Year’s already, and I realized that it has been forever since I have written anything. New Year’s brings new challenges, new choices, new joys, new heartbreaks, just like last year did. Some of the ones I already know that are ahead of me I am not sure I am ready for, to be honest. I wish there was a “between year” where we had a chance to get over last year, and not have to change over that calendar page and start the new year. I know that it really is just a day. Just the sun rising and setting like every other day. The only reason it’s a “new year” is that we give it that designation and significance, but I digress.

I want the between year: A time to have a vacation from life. Sort of like that thirty minute period on Christmas day just after everyone has opened their presents. All the anticipation is over with, but no one has to jump up to get dressed, or cook, or travel yet. We get to just sit, drink coffee, and enjoy the moment. I want time like that.

A week would do nicely, please. A week of not having to worry about what would happen in a year. A week of not having to wonder where I would be living in a year. A week of not trying to fervently plan that fundraiser I should have started planning a month ago. A week to clear my mind of all responsibility. A week where the house cleaned itself. A week where the animals fed themselves. A week where I just plain wasn’t needed, but didn’t have to leave home to get the quiet I so wanted.

It’s nice to dream. Besides, It’s only mid-January and I was already late wishing my brother a happy birthday, I attended a nephew’s wedding (it was beautiful), and I am trying to organize and prioritize what needs my attention. The realization that hubby has been in the military for 21 years, and that might be long enough for them, and maybe for us, too, is looming. Right now that is a terrifying thought. We have sort of been used to being told where to go and what to do so the thought of getting to choose is a bit daunting. And how much of my energy does that really need right now? I don’t quite know. And we need a plan. And we don’t have a plan, and nothing is for sure yet either, and, and, and…

Like I said, I need a between year for a week.

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