22 June 14 Slumber?
2245, otherwise known as 10:45pm, might not be late for some people, but for me, I should be on my third dream sequence by now. Welcome to my insomnia. Usually it isn’t this bad, except that hubby is deployed again.
Happens every time.
He is gone and I just plain can’t sleep. Even when taking something to help me sleep, I can’t sleep. The most frustrating thing is that this has been going on for almost 22 years now. I would have thought that whatever I needed to adjust to, I would have by now in order to sleep.
Fortunately, he usually isn’t gone for more than a couple of months. Just long enough to get so sleep deprived that I fall asleep at all hours, except bed time. He returns home and I sleep the sleep of the dark side of the moon and nothing wakes me from full, blissful, relaxed slumber. There is just something about knowing he is in bed beside me, or downstairs watching a movie, or in the kitchen, or talking with the boys, or whatever. The point being: he is home. My body registers that fact and kicks in (or out?) some bizarre hormonal sequence that permits the melatonin to flow freely, and the cortisol to finally take a break.
However, until that time, I cannot quite fall asleep, so I feel drowsy, almost hung over as if I was drugged with Bena-whatever. I forget everything. I cannot put two thoughts together, nothing makes sense, and I forget everything.
The boys are young adults now (GASP!) and they really do not need me as much, yet I am still stuck in an on call type of job description where I am still not relieved of duty, but am required to lay low in the back ground, and only come forth if requested. Translation: My sleep schedule is also not my own. Son #2 had a trip to Hawaii, poor thing, and his return flight got home late. I was at the airport picking him up at about 2300 (11:00pm) last night. Well, that didn’t help the insomnia. Now my body decided it is appropriate to stay up equally semi-functionally again tonight.
Sigh. Brain fog aside, I should attempt lay down and sleep. Of course that would be a lot easier if I was not aware of son #2 attempting to “try something” and open a bottle cap by using another bottle cap, bottle up ended, and yet not spill either. Right. At this point, as long as he is in the kitchen, trying this over the sink, I don’t really care anymore.
Eye lids are heavy. I give up. I will go toss and turn and attempt for find slumberland for at least 30 consecutive minutes. Wish me luck.
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